


For the Second Time

by abp



Series: All the Times [2]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Best Friends, Coming Out, Gen, I only write the gentlest coming out stories, Pre-Canon, Rated T for Swearing ONLY, Set in the 90s, aka the boys are alive, pretty much just fluff and heart-to-hearts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:35:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27461320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abp/pseuds/abp
Summary: Ever since Alex came out to him, Luke has been wondering about himself. Luckily he knows someone he can talk to. Plus, Alex gets a chance to come out again and Reggie has his own problems.
Relationships: Alex & Luke Patterson & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex & Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Luke Patterson & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Series: All the Times [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2006380
Comments: 7
Kudos: 145





	For the Second Time

**Author's Note:**

> Funny how a story can take on a life of its own and become like 3 stories squished together. Set a little after For the First Time, but you don't have to read that to make sense of this one!

Luke wouldn’t say things have changed since Alex came out to him. Not really. In most ways, things are exactly the same. They play music together, eat lunch together, go to shows and movies together. The only thing that _has_ changed is, well, Luke can’t stop thinking about it.

It’s not like he hasn’t seen gay people before. They live in LA--of course he knows _of_ gay people. And that’s fine. He wasn’t lying to Alex when he said he was cool with it. But he’s never really _known_ anyone who was gay. He’s never even thought someone like him could be gay--but Alex _is_. 

And Luke never thought about himself before like that--never thought he had to. He’s a guy so he likes girls; that was that. Or it was supposed to be, but now he’s not sure. Because that kiss--that one that Alex called the worst kiss ever--Luke… didn’t hate it. Surely he should have? 

The more he thinks about it, the more he wonders. The crushes he’s had in the past were few and far between. The only girlfriend he had barely lasted a month. He doesn't fawn over the pretty girls at a show or on the cheerleading squad the way Reggie and Bobby do. Luke always assumed it was because music is more important to him, but what if that isn’t it?

He tries to figure it out on his own--he even takes two buses to a library across town to discreetly search for information. But all that amounts to is a frustrating skim through some thick books on _queer theory_ that Luke can’t focus on. 

He needs someone to explain things to him. Someone he can trust.

**

“Hey Alex,” Luke begins as if it’s a casual question and not something that’s been circling his brain for the past hour, just waiting for his self restraint to lower enough to slip out. The two of them are alone in Luke’s bedroom--alone in his house, actually, until his parents get home from their date night--and Luke has had an even harder time than normal trying to focus on the history book in front of him. He shoves it to the corner of his bed and sits up, knees in front of him. 

“How’d you know you’re gay? Or when? When and how?” 

Alex blinks up at him from his spot sprawled on the floor. He’s got that slightly judgmental look on his face that tells Luke that he sees right through him. “Uh, well, I’ve kinda known forever? Not exactly that I was gay. But I never liked girls, so that’s a pretty big sign.”

“Right, okay,” Luke nods. He likes girls, he knows that. Or… he thinks he does. Right? “I guess that makes sense.”

Alex stares at him for a moment more, hesitantly, then turns back to the worksheet he’s filling out.

Luke manages about 15 seconds before he can’t stop the words from spilling out again. “But did you ever, like, convince yourself you liked a girl? And how did you know you liked boys and didn’t just _not_ like the girls you knew?”

Alex looks at him the way Luke looks at his history textbook, then pushes his homework aside and sits up cross-legged. “I mean I tried, but it never felt real. I knew I was pretending, just to be… normal. But I’ve met guys where, y’know,” Alex waves his hand vaguely, a slight flush on his cheeks. Luke remembers then that Alex had (has?) feelings for him--and maybe this was a bad idea. “I want to be around them and hold hands and… all that. I think you know if you listen to your heart.” Alex makes a face. “Wow, yeah that’s cheesy.” 

Luke smiles minutely as his brain turns over the facts. That girlfriend he had--she was cool and pretty and Luke used to get nervous around her because he wanted her to like him. And he always liked holding her hand and when she’d lean into him, warm against his chest, while he played with her hair. So that seemed… like a straight thing. 

But he had also thought Alex was amazing from the first time he saw him play and spent weeks trying to impress him into joining his band back when they were fourteen and the band was just Luke and Reggie writing shitty songs and messing around on guitar. He always wants to be around Alex--and Reggie and Bobby too, for that matter--and they hold hands and hug and stuff sometimes. So what did _that_ mean? Was it _all_ friend stuff or not friend stuff? Or some of it was and some wasn’t? He could ignore most of it--it didn’t _seem_ romantic, he didn’t think--but that stupid kiss he didn’t hate feels different. Kissing is different.

“You okay?” Alex says, snapping Luke out of his thoughts. “You look like your head's about to explode.”

Luke gives a weak laugh and drops his legs over the edge of his bed. “Yeah, fine.” He’s not going to say anything. He’s not going to-- “Ever since you told me you were gay, I can’t stop thinking about how it works.”

“How it works?” Alex asks dryly.

“For me.”

Alex frowns and crosses his arms. “That’s cool. Glad you could make me being gay about you.”

Luke groans, running his hands through his hair. “That’s not how I mean it. It’s like… if you’ve never thought about whether you could be gay, how do you know you’re not? Sure, maybe you’ve liked some girls, but not that many. And not as… intensely? Does that mean you don’t really like girls? Or maybe you’re just too focused on music and don’t have _time_ \--”

“Woah, Luke,” Alex interrupts, looking at him softly. “None of that means you’re gay. And... you know there’s more than just gay or straight, right?”

Luke’s breath catches. “What?”

Alex nods. “I’ve been talking to some people at the gay club we’ve been playing--you know the one you’ve been booking us at because you’re on mission to get me to talk to every queer person in LA?” 

Luke rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “I wasn’t trying to--”

“It’s cool,” Alex looks a little exasperated but mostly fond. The sweet spot, really. “I mean, you should have _asked_ me, but it’s... kinda nice.”

Well, there was one thing he did right at least.

“But there’s all types of people in the queer community and lots of different labels. Some people who like men and women use bisexual.”

“Oh.” The small part of Luke that’s not frozen can’t help but admire how confident and proud Alex looks as he explains what he learned. His eyes light up and he looks _present_ in a way Luke can’t describe. Like for years Alex has been shrinking down into himself and Luke never noticed.

“Yeah, so, that’s a thing. You can like both.” 

Both. It seems obvious when Alex says it like that, but Luke still feels stuck.

“And it’s okay if you haven’t liked many people. We can’t all be Reggie, can we?” Alex rolls his eyes. “I mean, I’ve thought other guys were cute before, but I never really seriously liked someone like that until, uh…” Alex trails off for a moment, face scrunching with embarrassment. “Well, you.” 

“Really?” Luke softens. He’s surprised, frankly. Alex seems so sure of himself that Luke assumed it couldn’t have all come together so quickly. 

“Yeah, yeah, don’t get an ego about it.” 

Luke grins a little, but sobers quickly. “Sorry if, um. I haven’t made things weird, have I? I mean, if I’ve been too _much_ lately--”

Alex snorts. “Luke, if you weren’t too much, you wouldn’t be you. It’s fine. It’s not like I’m swooning watching you shove chips in your mouth.”

This time Luke’s grin sticks. “I’ll have you know I’m a very attractive eater.”

“Yeah, okay.”

For a moment, Luke thinks he can let this go and they’ll go back to studying (or eating chips). Maybe he’s still confused, but at least Alex gave him something.

Only, Alex is biting his lip in that way that Luke knows he’s not going to let Luke pretend it’s all good. “Can I ask… what brought this all up?”

“I told you,” Luke says, a little helplessly. “You.”

“Yeah, got that, but… do you actually... like guys?” 

“I don’t know,” Luke answers quietly. “But when I kissed you… I know it wasn’t great, but I think I liked it.” 

“Oh shit, really?” Alex looks so shocked that Luke can’t stop the laugh that escapes. 

“Yeah, I know.” He lets himself fall backwards on his bed with a dramatic flop. A moment passes, then Luke feels the mattress sink under Alex’s weight. 

“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” Alex says.

“Yeah, but… I think it does.” Luke’s heart races and his thoughts spin. He sees the back of Alex’s head bob as he nods.

"That's okay too." 

Luke breathes in deep and lets it out. "Both, huh?"

Alex lays down. His hand falls halfway between them and Luke, taking it for the gesture it is, crosses the remaining space to lace their fingers together. 

Luke's still not sure he understands and it's… frustrating. Surely if there's one thing he should understand it's _himself,_ but he can't help rethinking everything. He likes girls--that part is easy. But boys? It’s hard to sift through the memories and make sense of them. Were the showy gestures really so Alex would join the band, or did he want Alex to like him more than anyone for another reason? Did he follow Reggie around like a lost puppy when they were little because they were friends or was that a crush too? They're like family now--that still feels right to say-- but maybe that trajectory wasn't as straight as he once thought. 

Alex squeezes his hand. "You don't have to figure it all out this minute, y'know." 

Luke lets out a breath of a laugh, but feels instantly calmer. Alex is always in his head. "Thanks for being here."

"Well, you make it easy to be around."

"Stop, you'll make me blush," Luke jokes and grins wryly. He’ll tear up if he takes it any more seriously. 

They’re quiet for a moment and Luke's about to suggest they forgo the rest of their homework when he hears the telltale clatter of his parents arriving home. 

Alex pulls his hand away and sits up, putting distance between them in a way that Luke would object to if his mom didn't call him first.

"Luke, you've got company!" 

Alex gives Luke a questioning look to which he shrugs. 

"Probably Reg. Bobby's still grounded for sneaking out last week." He pushes off the bed and heads to the living room where Reggie is awkwardly standing just past the doorway as his mom flutters around the room.

"Reggie here was just coming up the driveway when we pulled in," she says.

"Sorry again, Mrs. Patterson, for coming over so late." Reggie's hands are in his pockets and he's slouched over himself. Luke knows that look.

"You're always welcome, dear. Besides, Alex is over already so you're hardly interrupting anything."

"Alex is here?" Reggie asks, looking hurt for a flash of a second.

Luke nods. "In my bedroom. We were working on history homework." 

"Oh."

"Why don't you go ahead of me, Reg? I need to talk to my mom for a sec."

Reggie nods and passes Luke. 

As soon as Luke hears the door click, he turns to his mom with his best puppy dog eyes. "Can Reggie and Alex stay over tonight?" 

His mom hesitates. He knows she can tell that something is wrong with Reggie too. "It's a school night." 

"I know but Reggie needs a friend right now," Luke says bluntly. "I promise I'll get all my homework done and we won't stay up late or anything. No complaining in the morning at all." 

His mom sighs but she's got a hint of a smile on her lips. "Alright, but I'm holding you to those promises. No missing the bus and no falling asleep in class tomorrow."

"You're the best!" Luke flashes his brightest grin and gives his mom a quick hug before retreating. Sometimes it's best to leave before a parent can change their mind. 

Back in his room, he finds Reggie at his desk, his jacket neatly hung over the back of the chair, and Alex sprawled over his homework on the floor. "What'd I miss?"

Reggie shrugs. "Alex just told me what you've been up to."

"He did?" Luke’s pulse jumps.

"Yeah. Homework," Alex says and the flutter of nervousness is gone. Of course Alex wouldn't out him to Reggie--if he could be outed. Nope, that was a thought for later. 

"Right, well unfortunately I have to finish that because I promised my mom I would if she let you two sleep over." Luke drops the news with a grin and watches the surprise cross his friends' faces. 

"Oh--you don't have to--"

"Come on, Reggie, you think I'm gonna send you home in an hour because of curfew?" Luke scoffs. "Besides, I have new CDs to show you."

Reggie smiles softly and Luke relaxes. For a moment. 

"Um I should probably go," Alex says and Luke wants to shake him.

"Dude, no. I-- _we_ \--want you here."

Alex bites his lip. "I don't want it to be… weird."

"Why would it be weird?" Reggie looks between them, brow furrowed. 

Luke throws his hands up, daring Alex to give one good reason. He doesn't expect what Alex says, though.

"Um, well," Alex looks at Luke for a moment, then focuses on Reggie. Something sharp and determined settles in his eyes. "I'm gay." 

Reggie glances between them again. "And you're… together?"

"What? No!" Alex says it so quickly that Luke is almost offended. 

"Oh. Then, why's it weird if you sleep over?" 

Luke tries not to laugh at the way Alex is shocked into silence. He hadn't been worried about how Reggie would react when Alex was ready to tell him, but his heart swells at how much Reggie clearly loves Alex.

"It doesn't bother you? That I'm gay?" Alex asks after a moment.

Reggie looks horrified. "Of course not! You're my best friend, Alex."

"Excuse me, I'm right here," Luke cuts in. Alex rolls his eyes, but Luke doesn't give him a chance to insult him. Instead he moves to the floor beside Alex and flings an arm around him. "See, bro? We want you here. You gotta stay."

Reggie moves to the other side of Alex, wrapping his arm around him too. "Please."

Alex's eyes shine (Luke hopes he doesn't cry this time) and he nods. 

Reggie pulls away slightly to look at them. "Wait so you already told Luke, right?"

"Yeah."

"Bobby?"

Alex shakes his head. "Not yet. Or my family."

"Oh." Reggie's eyes widen. 

"Yeah."

Reggie leans back in, making it more of a proper--if awkward--hug. "Thanks for telling me." 

"Awww, group hug," Luke coos, a wild look on his face as he joins in on the hug with enough force to knock them back on the carpet.

Alex and Reggie squawk and flail as Luke laughs. The laughing quickly turns into yelps when the shoving and half-wrestling starts. 

Alex pulls away first, glancing at the closed door. 

"Bro, they don't care. As long as the music's not loud enough that the cops get called, we're good." Luke knows from experience it's not the same at Alex's house. 

Alex smiles slightly. He doesn't relax much, but any relaxing is a win with Alex. "I should call home. Make sure my parents are cool."

"If they're not, put my mom on the phone," Luke insists. "She'll take care of it."

With Alex gone, Luke focuses on Reggie. He looks better than he did before--his cheeks are flushed from their roughhousing and there's a hint of a smile on his face. Still, Reggie came over for a reason.

"So uhhh was there anything you wanted to talk about?" Not his best segue but it worked. 

Reggie pulls his knees to his chest, looking down. "Bex isn't coming home for the holidays this year." 

Luke winces. He knows how stressed Reggie gets during the holiday season, and it will be that much worse without his sister. 

"And your brother?" Luke already knows the answer, but he's hopeful to be wrong. 

"Nope," Reggie pops the p. "Stopped last year. Can't blame them, they have their own lives now."

"Yeah you can blame them." Luke grits his teeth. "You're still their family. It's shitty." 

Reggie shrugs.

"Reg--hey." Luke waits until Reggie looks up. "I will always be here for you no matter what, okay? 'Cause we're family too. I'll come to fucking Thanksgiving dinner to prove it if I have to."

Reggie lets out a laugh that sounds close to a sob. "Your mom would kill you."

"Then I'll bring you to mine. Grandma P makes a mean pumpkin pie."

"Who wants a mean pie?"

Luke snorts. "Seriously, though, if you want me with you or you wanna skip, I'm there." 

"I couldn't ask that."

"Yeah you can." Luke nudges Reggie with his foot. "That's what I'm saying."

Reggie bites his lip. “Thanks. I’ll… let you know.”

“You better.” Reggie looks slightly calmer and Luke takes that as a good sign. He’s still glad he doesn’t have to make Reggie go home tonight--or more realistically, sneak him back into the house. “Okay, pick out some music or something.” Luke sighs as he pushes himself off the ground. “I have to finish this stupid homework or my mom will flip.” 

By the time Alex is back, there’s an old Stevie Nicks cassette playing and Luke has struggled through three more questions. 

“All good?” Luke looks up from his bed. 

“Yeah.” Alex takes his spot back on the floor and flashes a look to Reggie. “Only problem is we’re going to have to borrow clothes tomorrow.”

“Oh, but Luke’s so short,” Reggie comments. He sounds innocent but there’s a glint in his eyes and Luke knows _exactly_ what he’s doing. 

“Dude, you’re barely an inch taller!” Luke glares more for show than anything.

“And that inch makes a big difference,” Reggie insists.

Alex snickers. “Maybe someday you’ll grow and understand that.” 

Luke just shakes his head. “I’m going to kill you both.”

But it’s hard to stay mad, even as they laugh and tease him more. By the time they go to bed, squished together on the floor ignoring the perfectly good bed, Luke feels nothing but love. Everything else can wait until tomorrow.


End file.
